Out There

Rule book

     The Kinetic Rule book is considered a treasure amongst the crew of the USS Yellow Submarine. Within it are the golden guidelines for safe travel throughout the race course. Without this wonderful tome, the race would be... well...

     In an ongoing attempt to show our love of authority and our sincere appreciation of the race officials, it is our intent to reproduce those rules here as a testament to our devotion to the cause. It comes with great, heaping amounts of sadness to report that this unique opportunity is thwarted. Mysteriously, every copy of this sacred parchment in possession of Pilots, Crew, or Craft has disappeared. Certainly this is not a result of a lack of respect for the document, on the contrary... It seems that the wonderful document that we all so highly revere was utilized during last year's race for a variety of emergency situations:

     Several copies were used to patch the hull breach experienced by the craft during the water crossing last year.

Three or four copies were used in a desperate attempt to light a fire at table bluff to take the chill off our esteemed hero, the Great Razooly.

Two copies were employed to remove the vandalous assault the morning after Table Bluff.

It is rumored that Brewmaster Branco used a copy to filter his latest batch of Yellow Sub Ale.

Corporal Larry was seen gathering all available scraps of the sturdy document to build a shelter at Table Bluff.

Even the Rock and Roll Burly Man admitted to creating a makeshift stencil out of his copy of the rules.

Finally, perhaps the most meaningful use of this beloved guide was when Captain Chuck announce that he had solved the problem of the inadequate toilet paper supply reportedly caused by Cleopatra, Queen of Denial's Pit Crew of Doom.

     From this point forth, it will be the express goal of every Pilot, Pit Crew, Helpers, Peons, Pixies, Support Crew, Losers, Winners, Fans, Foes, and even Subbie to procure as many of these valued documents in the unfortunate event that any of the above mentioned conditions recur. Thank you for you attention.

Captain Chuck, USS Yellow Submarine

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