|CURRENT LOCATION: \\GOV-MAIN\X-FILES\ARCHIVES\URO\PILOTS|
To pilot a septic tank is perhaps the single highest accomplishment than any human being could ever hope to achieve. It is an honor second only to a position on Muir. These brave souls thrust themselves in to the unknown dangers of high speed Kinetic Sculpture Racing... Yes, in speeds in excess of 13 mph these pilots remain steady, proving their grit as racers.
Few may ever know the joys of piloting such a craft but for those who have... there are memories that are not soon forgotten. The words of Lt. Tony still echo through the interior of the craft...
"We have a problem down here." With nerves of steel he reported the problem of the slight problem of a hull rupture shortly after entering the water at Fields Landing. Though, no charges were ever filed nor retribution ever sought, it is rumored that the Crew of Doom from Cleopatra, Queen of Denial, were involved with sabotage; however, it is not with the spirit of the sub to exploit such barbarism.
"How bad is it?" was the response of Captain Chuck
Lt. Tony, quickly responding to the impending swamping of the craft, patched the hole with the craft's copy of the 1997 Kinetic Sculpture Race official Rulebook that is always handy.
"We are leaking pretty bad down here!" Lt. Tony responded with a sense of urgency in his voice.
"Can you keep up with it with by bailing?" Captain Chuck determined to succeed or go down with the ship...
The Captain: "OK... Lt. Trent, go up for a visual."
Lt. Trent, quickly responding to the order, rose from the rear tower and surveyed the condition. By the grace of God, Lt. Trent with his keen vision spotted a floundering vessel off the starboard side.
"Capt'n Chuck, there is vessel in trouble off at 2:00, they need our help!" Lt. Trent reporting.
The act of shifting his weight had caused the sub to list, a worrisome sight, but it reduced the flow of water through the damaged hull so there Lt. Trent remained. Maneuvering into position, the Sub closed in on the damaged boat.
Due to extreme currents and high winds the urgency to hook up became extreme. Unfortunately these conditions inhibited the maneuverability of the Sub and the Captain was only able to position the Sub behind the boat, a poor position to effect a tow.
Through the dense coastal mist, Captain Chuck could barely make out the face of the pilot of the stranded boat. A tingle in his spine brought waves of deja vu over the Captain. The mysterious man reached down into a black compartment on the deck. When he rose the crew could see in his hands a strange glowing rope... Reaching forward, the man reached down to the official hardened tow point on the front of the sub and connected the strange line. As he calmly rolled a cigarette he smiled a knowing smile. The crafts, both drifting toward the rocks did not shake him from his goal of lighting the cigarette. Then, as the match flared, it was lit. With a flick of the wrist, he tossed the match into the murky waters of the bay. A flash blinded the crew as they looked on with awe...
The rope had become as rigid a six inch spike and as the Captain gave the order for full speed forward, the rope held firm. As the Sub and the crippled craft emerged from the mists the crowd cheered as they looked on in amazement. Not only was the Sub determined to cross the bay with a hull breach, but she was going to aid the stranded boat across with a magical "stiff rope". It was a Kinetic Miracle that to this day is denounced by the unbelievers. But the pilots, the crew, and the thousands of fans present will never forget that glorious moment.
Mysteriously, the boat's motor roared just as they were reaching shore and the mysterious man and his boat disappeared into the mists, his identity never to be known...